The Letters
by IzzyMorgensternXX
Summary: Set during 3x03. Secrets surrounding Jasper and Eleanor's letters are revealed leaving both Eleanor and Sara Alice questioning their relationships with Jasper.


"James!" Eleanor yelled as she trudged groggily along the corridor, still only wearing the over sized t-shirt she'd fallen asleep in.

"James! Where the hell are you?!" Eleanor yelled, brushing her hair back from her face, and groaning as the hangover headache began to settle in.

At least this morning there was no 'fairy dust' that she needed to explain away. She suspected James had probably found out about that, and felt ashamed. She hadn't meant to slip up.

"You're not very princessy in the mornings, are you?" the little girl said, as she crossed her arms, looking at Len with raised eyebrows, "Is it because of evil queen's poison?"

"No, no," Eleanor said, "It's all the Prince's fault."

It certainly was all of Jasper's fault, Eleanor thought to herself, their letter writing had started off as a romantic endeavour. As much as she loved reading his letters, it was hell trying to think of something to write back. She was creative, yes, but literary- no. Fortunately she knew someone who was…

But his services came at a price.

A very loud and irritating price.

"Mr Caterpillar got me ice cream when he was looking after me," Sara Alice said, "Daddy says I'm not allergic to chocolate cake, if I don't eat too much of it. Do you know where I might find some?"

Eleanor shook her head, "It's nine in the morning."

"Well, I've been up since seven thirty," Sara answered, "So it's late for me. Did the Prince forget to wake you up this morning? I haven't seen him yet. When will I get to meet the Prince?"

Eleanor grimaced, "James!"

The door to head of security's office open and a smiling James peered out.

The little girl ran towards him, "Daddy!"

James picked up his daughter who hugged him merrily.

"I can't do this anymore," Eleanor admitted, "I know I asked for your help. But I…"

James gave her a sympathetic look, "You do understand that one day, if you and Jasper…"

"Yes, I know," Eleanor, "I know that one day, if Jasper and I get married and all of that…"

"Jasper?" Sara pondered, "Like Mr Caterpillar?"

"Look," James said, "It's good practice. And may I speak freely, your highness?"

"You better," Eleanor replied.

James stared at his shoes awkwardly, "Any child of yours and Jasper's would be much much worse, your highness."

Eleanor gave James an insulted look, "Look, . We made a deal, you write the letters, I look after Sara. But I didn't mean at nine in the morning!"

"When you and Jasper…" James continued.

"I know, I know!" Eleanor yelled, "But that's why they invented childcare, nannies, summer camps and boarding schools."

"Oh, Daddy doesn't want me to go to a summer camp," Sara Alice admitted, "He would miss me too much."

"I have to keep you out of trouble," James said, "Now, why don't you go find Mr Caterpillar? You remember the rules…"

Sara Alice sighed dramatically, "Of course! No fire, no knives and if anyone asks where I came from, I say I came from the womb of a jackal. Can I go now?"

"Go on then," James said with a smile.

Eleanor raised an eyebrow at him.

Sara Alice was about to race off when the door to the office opened to reveal Jasper. He looked flustered.

"Found him!" Sara Alice announced merrily.

"I er…" Jasper began uncertainly, "I need to talk to you about important… er… security things."

James nodded, "Of course. Please forgive us princess. If you could give us a moment. Maybe if you waited in the library and I'll find you after that."

Eleanor smiled before leaving the room. Sara Alice following behind her.

Eleanor felt giddy. She hoped Jasper had left her another letter in the book. She raced through the doorway and towards the book shelf.

She heard a frustrated sigh, "Your legs are shorter than Mr Caterpillar's but you still walk too fast for me to keep up."

"Well eat more greens and you'll grow taller," Eleanor answered dismissively, grabbing the book and opening it.

Inside was a letter. The paper was parchment and she could see the swirls of black ink. It was tied with purple and black velvet ribbons.

She carefully took the letter out before placing the book back on the shelf.

"Is that from your prince?" Sara Alice asked exuberantly, "What does it say?"

BREAK_BREAK_BREAK_BREAK

"My dearest Eleanor," Len began in an upset and angry tone.

"Eleanor?" Sara Alice asked, looking up about the princess, before giving Jasper a hurt look, "We're breaking up."

"Don't blame you," Eleanor added, before Sara Alice stormed towards the office doors, pushing past James and Jasper.

"Doesn't even sound like you," Eleanor said angrily, looking up from the letter to see the two men standing before looking guilty and awkward, "Well this is quite nice."

"Thank you," the two men said in unison.

"This was supposed to be between us!" Eleanor yelled, gesturing wildly, "Not US!"

"In all fairness, your highness," James began timidly, "You had me write your letter too."

Jasper gave Eleanor a pissed off smile.

"This isn't about me," Eleanor answered in desperation. She wasn't going to be the one in the wrong here.

"So wait, you don't think I have the body of a Greek god?" Jasper asked.

Eleanor pondered that for a moment, as James took his opportunity to leave the room. Did she believe he had the body of Greek God? Maybe yes, but more Viking than Greek. Did Jasper need that kind of ego boost? Absolutely not!

"No," Eleanor answered, pained, "No. But James does."

Jasper shook his head sighing, "You are unbelievable."

"So are you!" Eleanor yelled, "Our relationship started with my blackout and your blackmail. Then you slept with my mum and tried to rob me! And now you're mad at me because I couldn't write a damn letter!"

"You're hardly the perfect princess, are you?" Jasper retorted, "One, you drugged yourself, two, you threaten to fire me because you thought the sex was 'forgettable' and were essentially using me, three, you got me arrested because you thought I killed your father. Do I need to go on?"

Eleanor sighed, tears forming in her eyes, "I thought we had a chance, maybe I was wrong."

"Hey!" Jasper snapped, "You asked me to not give up on you, and I said I wouldn't. So don't you dare give up on me."

"I'm not," Eleanor replied, quickly brushing away her tears, although Jasper noticed them.

"It was you who came up with this whole letter writing idea," Jasper said, "If you didn't want to, you should have just said."

Eleanor shook her head, "No, I wanted to. I just…"

"You just what?" Jasper asked, moving closer to her, so that he towered above her, "I'm giving you a chance here, Len, I want to be with you. Only you. But I need you to be honest with me."

"Yeah," Eleanor said with a miserable smile, before walking to the door, "Because you're always so honest with me."

BREAK_BREAK_BREAK_BREAK

James knew exactly where to find his daughter. It took him only five minutes to walk from his office down to the staff kitchens.

The corridor were dimly lit and quiet. At this time of day most of the staff were upstairs busy working.

He found Sara Alice sitting at the kitchen table, holding on tightly to a tub of Ben and Jerry's cookie dough and digging into it fiercely with a spoon. Her face was covered in ice cream and the little girl looked tumultuous.

Sara Alice gave her father a defiant look, "I know you're going to tell me that there are more bugs in the trees. But honestly, daddy, I thought Mr Caterpillar was going to be the one."

"You're only young," James tried to reassure his daughter, "There will be other guys. Although hopefully not too soon."

Sara Alice sighed, "But I thought Mr Caterpillar and I were going to be together forever. Now my heart is broken."

"Well," James said, "There is one thing that makes heart ache better."

"Yes, ice cream," Sara Alice answered.

"No, better than ice cream," James answered with a smile, "Revenge."

BREAK_BREAK_BREAK_BREAK

Eleanor sat at her desk, tears forming in her eyes, as she held the pen in her hand and stared at the blank paper in front of her.

 _Why couldn't she just do this?_ She berated herself, _Was it really so hard to just try?_

There was knock at her door.

"Come in," she mumbled, getting up from the desk and collapsing on her bed.

Moments later the door opened to reveal Jasper standing there sheepishly, a large letter in his hand.

"You want the truth," Jasper said, walking over to Eleanor, "Here it is."

"Jasper," Eleanor said in a quiet voice, "I…"

"I want to be with you, Eleanor," Jasper said, "You've given me a second chance and I'm not about to throw that away. This whole letter thing, we shouldn't let it break us apart."

"You've given me so many chances too," Eleanor said, her voice cracking, "I'm not sure I'm worth it."

Jasper gave her a heart broken look, "Don't say that. Ever."

"But what if it's true?" Eleanor asked, "What if I really am not worth it?"

Jasper shook his head, "Whatever it is that you feel you're responsible for. Robert or your father's death, my blackmailing you, Mandy. Whatever it is- none of that is your fault."

"I still let it all happen," Eleanor answered, "Just like I'm letting myself find excuses to push you away. I should know better."

"I should have treated you better," Jasper replied, brushing a strand of hair away from her face, "You deserve better. That was what I was trying to do when I got James to write the letter. I knew whatever I wrote wouldn't be good enough for you. I was try to be perfect for you."

Eleanor smiled, "I don't think either of us is ever going to be perfect."

"I'd have to disagree with that," Jasper answered with a smile, "Now, come on. Read my letter."

"Ok," Eleanor said, propping herself up on her pillows, and taking the letter from Jasper, opening it.

 _My dearest Eleanor,_

 _I'm really sorry. I'm so sorry for lying to you and deceiving you. I'm sorry for breaking your trust so many times. I really hope you'll forgive me._

 _I can't live without you._

 _You asked me to be honest with you, and here it is._

 _Love doesn't come easily to a con man. My parents were professional liars and I learnt not to trust them. I didn't trust their love and, in becoming what they were, I learnt not to trust my own. Instead of seeing the wonderful beauty that I had in my life, I allowed myself to be consumed by a shadow of myself- a shadow that wanted me to be evil and despicable._

 _You are that wonderful beauty, Eleanor. You are the only one who has managed to stop that shadow and destroy it. Every day you take my breath away and I don't know how I'd ever be able to survive without you._

 _My parents didn't love me the way they should have. The only friend I ever had was Mandy and then all we did was use each other. You're the first person in my life who has ever genuinely cared about me._

 _I feel devastated that I took all your wonder and nearly destroyed that._

 _I don't feel that I deserve to be forgiven for what I've done, but I'm glad that you have forgiven me._

 _I want to make things right._

 _I'm going to fight for you forever. I'll never let anyone hurt you. I won't let you hurt yourself anymore._

 _Please don't give up on me._

 _I'll never give up on you._

 _Jasper xxx_

Eleanor read the letter twice, her eyesight growing blurrier and blurrier as tears clouded her vision. She quickly brushed them away, not wanting them to drop onto and ruin the letter. She knew she was going to keep the letter forever and treasure it dearly.

She looked up at Jasper who stood next to her bed awkwardly. Eleanor realised just how vulnerable he looked. _It must have taken him so much to write this,_ she concluded, _to be so honest, to put himself out there like that. He must really care about me a lot to risk so much. I'm not sure I'm even worth that level of trust. I don't even trust myself._

"Jasper…" Eleanor began in a small voice.

He looked at her in silence, blatantly trying to hide the fact that he was nearly crying too.

"Come here," Eleanor said, patting the bed next to her.

Jasper sat down cautiously, not knowing what to expect next.

He certainly didn't expect Eleanor to hug him, but he loved being in her arms, feeling her warmth, taking in her familiar scent- a mixture of the vanilla and coconut shampoo that she used and her strawberry perfume. In her arms was where he felt most at home. Where he felt that he could begin to heal and become a better person.

Always for her.

"I wish I could write so well," Eleanor said, "I love your letter. And I'm so sorry for all the horrible things that happened to you, Jasper. I promise I'll do better, be better for you."

Jasper shifted away so that his arms were still wrapped around Eleanor, put so that she could see him better, "You're enough, Eleanor. You're already perfect to me."

Eleanor shook her head, resting it against Jasper's shoulder, "No I'm not."

"Yes, you are," Jasper said, fiercely, "What you're going through right now, we'll figure it out, together. We'll fight it together. I'll never leave you."

Eleanor smiled, "I really wish I could write back something as beautiful. But…"

"You're scared of being so honest," Jasper answered.

Eleanor nodded, "And at the moment, I just can't."

"Why?" Jasper asked.

Eleanor reached over to get another letter, one that she had tucked under her pillow.

Jasper read it smiling sadly, "Oh, Len. You should have just said."

Eleanor blinked away her tears, "I just thought that I could get James to write the letter, and that you'd never find out. I know it was the wrong to do. But I just feel so weak…"

Jasper reached to brush away her tears, "Sprained wrists don't last forever. You aren't weak, Len. Look, I have an idea. I have to go to my office, but I promise I'll be right back, ok?"

Eleanor watched him inquisitively, as he left her room and less than five minutes later returned holding a voice recorder.

"I know you can't write at the moment, so," Jasper began, "Why not say it instead? Then you could put this in the book."

Eleanor smiled, "Thanks, Jasper. I will."

Eleanor leaned her head so that her face was only centimetres away from Jasper's. She knew that she was going to kiss him, and that felt right.

It felt more right that anything she'd experienced in a long time.

She felt Jasper's arms wrap around her, his hands stroking her hair.

She let her eyes close and was about to kiss him when-

BANG!

Her eyes flew open wide in shock and Jasper moved quickly so that he placed himself in front of her.

Peering over his shoulder she could see the figure of a small girl, and James standing apologetically behind her.

"Did you really think I was going to just let you get away with cheating on me?" Sara Alice began, hands on hips, "Well did you?"

Eleanor giggled, she couldn't even be mad at the little girl for ruining the moment.

"Of course not," Jasper said, playing along, "Mr Caterpillar is most ashamed of himself."

"Good," Sara Alice answered, "But I still must have my revenge."

Jasper and Eleanor shared a concerned look.

Sara Alice walked over to Eleanor's vanity and looked at the various make-up items scattered all over it.

"Ah, revenge," Eleanor said, realising what the little girl had in mind.

"Len, please, no," Jasper begged.

"It's only fair, Jasper," Eleanor answered with a grin, "Now, what do you think Sara Alice? Yes, morning fuchsia, excellent choice!"

BREAK_BREAK_BREAK_BREAK

Jasper looked at himself in the mirror and regarded the girls' work with horror. His face was covered in various shades of pink and purple so that it almost looked as if he'd been in a street fight. In a small way Eleanor had taken mercy on him, sort of, and given him her signature winged eye-liner look.

He looked like a drag version of fight club.

"Smile!" Eleanor yelled, seconds before the camera light flashed.

Jasper gave her a betrayed look, as Sara Alice and Eleanor shared a smug look.

"Eleanor?" Sara Alice began, "Do you think Jasper should stay like that for the rest of the day?"

"Leni, please," Jasper begged.

"Yes, absolutely," Eleanor said.

"I can't walk around the palace looking like this," Jasper protested.

"Well then I guess you'll just have to stay right here," Eleanor answered with a grin.

BREAK_BREAK_BREAK_BREAK

It was a good few hours after the revenge make-up attack and Eleanor sat in bed, only a single lamp still on, shadows decorating the walls and floor.

She held the Dictaphone in her hand, and knew that she would start recording her letter in a few moments. But her eyes were blurred with tears and she was sure her voice going to go all funny if she tried to speak.

She wanted to do this, but she was so scared.

She took a deep breath and pressed the record button.

"Dear Jasper," Eleanor began shakily, "I wish there was a way… to tell you how much… you mean to me. I've pushed you away so much… because… because… I'm so scared…I'm scared to be open with anyone… I'm afraid to be anything important to anyone. I'm afraid of being known…Most of all by you… Because I don't feel like I deserve to be known.

"My dad once told me that I shouldn't medicate away my wonder… I didn't think I had any wonder anyway…but now you've mention it, said that I do… I feel like maybe I should believe that… I wish I can one day.

"I absolutely forgive you for everything that's happened before… and I think I should forgive myself too. I just don't know how to do that… but you help me do that. I can't live without you either Jasper.

"I said earlier that you don't have the body of a Greek God… well, that was a lie, you do… but you have more than just a Greek God's body, you have his wisdom, his kindness.

"You are my God, Jasper. You make the world a better place for me.

"I don't want you to give up on me. I want to be able to see myself the way you see me. I don't know if that will be possible. But I really want it to be.

"I love you, Jasper.

"Shit! Did I just say that?!"

Eleanor clicked the button to stop recording. She hadn't meant to be so honest.

Did she love Jasper?

"Yes, of course you do," Eleanor said to herself, before jumping up out of bed, and racing towards the library.

She looked around making sure no one saw her before placing the Dictaphone inside the book and rushing back to her bedroom.

She didn't notice Jasper standing in the shadows, grinning his head off.

BREAK_BREAK_BREAK_BREAK

Jasper had listened to the recording for the fifth time, feeling tears run down his face, but not caring at all.

He knew what he had to do. Being so honest like that must have been hard for Eleanor to do. Harder than he could possibly ever imagine.

He carefully opened her bedroom door and walked in the dark towards her bed. He was careful to make sure that he didn't trip over anything as he walked towards her. He knew Eleanor's room often resembled a demolition site and the last thing he wanted to do was scare her.

He carefully sat down on her bed, kicking off his shoes and taking off his jacket. He was aware of Eleanor fidgeting in her sleep and heard her mumble his name.

"I'm right here, Len," Jasper said, lying down next to her and wrapping his arms around her waist, "I love you too, Eleanor."

Eleanor's eyes flew wide open, "You really do."

"Of course I do," Jasper said, as Eleanor shifted so that she was facing him.

She gave her a small smile and he could sense that something inside of her had been set free, as if one of the ropes strangling her soul had finally been cut.

She tilted her head so that she kissing him, gently at first and then with fierce desperation.

"Eleanor," Jasper said with a smile.

Eleanor smiled, "Yes."

"I'll never leave you," Jasper answered.

"Good," Eleanor answered playfully, "Because I'm never going to let you leave me."


End file.
